Since I was small, i studied alone. Unlike other people, i don't have siblings to play with me or study with me. My sister was married to Bukit Mertajam since I was 5. I stayed with my loving granny when she was in her sixties and seventies. My parents worked in the morning and and my granny took care of my until I was in standard 5. She is the only one that I could talk to. There was an absolute shock when she left me in a sudden and I could feel a giant kick in my head. I was not being beside her to say a last goodbye and I know I wont be given a second chance. I still remembered that day the sky was the most magnificent blue.I do feel unfortunate that she couldn't able to see my future as she promised, she couldn't cheer for me at my graduation, or watch me get married anymore. This is my first cry in public since I was sent to a kindergarden. After her funeral, i stayed alone at home everyday. Sometimes,I had to wipe my tears before I got on the school bus. She used to accompany me while waiting school bus. From the day she was gone, I sat on the bench while waiting bus alone everyday. I don't the feeling of being alone in the morning when my house is so empty and quiet. So, i have found my first best friend in my life during standard 5. However, no freinds could stay long. I'm quite envious those friends who can always stuck together. I always feel very helpless especially study break. I have no one to ask when I was stuck in my studies. I can't concentration when there is no people around me. I feel lonely and demotivated when I stay in my room. I like to study in library and particularly in the cafeteria. I can see many ones study together with their gang. Sometimes I also dream that I also have a gang to study with. Haha. But I seem have a lot of problems that i can feel that normally people will not stay with me. I have no idea how to change the situation, perhaps I have weak social skills. If someone treats me good, I will definitely treat that person in the same way or even better. Unfortunately, I'm not good enough that I wont be chosen as best friend no matter how many times I have tried. I'm 23 years old now I still don't know how to be a good friend.
This month I have spent less than rm10 on my phone credit. No one will take initiative to sms me. Did I care too much? If i graduate, does it mean I wont receive any sms anymore? Even MSN I hardly find a complete conversation. Do everyone is so busy until left a conversation hang at half way? Am i too annoying? I miss my overseas friends a lot, please come back.
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