graduating

Haha. Yesterday morning, I received messages from friends'Result is out, posted by mis kitty~ I was so panic and feel like finding a hand to hold. I prayed hard and I know the result will affect me a lot a lot. I believed I can pass as I did not did any big mistake in my supplementary paper. Yet, I was still in anxiety state. When I saw my result, I was so relieved as if putting down a heavy stone. The happiest news, of cause, I shared with my mum at the first place. And I also told my fellow friends who concern about my result and give me support recently. I dont always need advices, sometimes I just need some support, a friend to hug, an ear to listen and a heart to understand. Coming out with friends these few days really made my mood becoming better and better. I am not transparent, at least I cant feel my existence, hometown is better. Now I start feeling busy for my happy life, I have no time to think back, regret, hate or fear. I love to see friends hitting the 'like' button of my post. I like to see the 'congratulation' word. Now I start planning how to pay my graduation fee, which photo studio to go by asking my sailouss and son, planning when to go kl for briefing and take the gown, planning when to return the gown and so on...

love and hate

What happened to my Whatsapp, it cannot receive messages. I realised it when I was told by a friend. I dont know how to fix it. Today someone told me something and I like it very much. I am not sure can it be applicable for me or not. It says, love me or hate me , both are in my favour. If you love me, I will always be in your heart. If you hate me, I will always be in your heart. And never invest too much emotion at.one thing becauae if you do, you will end up.hurting yourself.

stranger-to-be

Today I just finished my supplementary paper in ucsi. After that I went to see PHC training for a while. Luckily CK is in KL, at least I,can have a good shelter although he seemed inconvinient. I tried to ask for another time but seems not being welcomed with giving no responce. I feel like I am getting more and more strange towards my sailou. Sailou is a word is that word that I never use to call him for very long.I feel his changes. He never plays joke with me like last time. He like to ignore. He likes to use ignorance to stop a conversation.At first, I cant accept the No responce to sms knowingly the handphone is always stick to him. Not the same person i ever know or actually i dont really know him in the beginning. Will our friendship ends after my convo? I am not in his gang, anything happen i wont be informed. It seems no difference for a person who get a girlfriend. Only gf is the world the other just can be ignored. I once think of ignore this person but he is my best friend in KL, how can i take revenge. Even if I wanna take revenge, I also dont have the chance to so so, since I seldom get a smg from my sailou already.every sem break we never keep in touch as well.Just accept it and never wish myself can be appreciated anymore. I really wish he can change back. A person that can always smile but not always,emo. I still want this best friend. But i really dont like to text him anymore. He doesnt care and i cant tolerate it. Anyway, he helps me this time, i dont like to owe my friend, what can I do in return?

on bus

Blogging on bus, yeng. Heading to KL now with nervous. I want to pass my exam. I am stil not well prepared.

The day before going to KL

Today I start studying. My progress is freaking slow as I have no mood to study at all. Today I received some jia you message haha. Damn warm. Iongling some more.ask me to go for tong shui but I rejected her. I don't feel like staying longer in KL as I feel it will create some problems. Don't know why always feel like my presence is a trouble . I am worry about too many things because of lack of comfirmation and lack of trust and faith as well. My heart and my mind think differently, what a joke. Today afternoon I wasted my time for chatting with sailou again. Start from a simple photo, until gossiping about our secondary best buddy and at last he asked my to buy his father's pharmacy. Haha. Haha he has 3 siblings but none of them have interest in this field. Tomorrow mid night I am going to depart from here. No one would remember, so I wish you a safe trip, jenwin. Today I have learnt one thing. There is no such happy place in this worth. However, it lives some happy human beings. If you are a happy person, no matter where you go, it would be a happy place. -jenwin-

feeling good without phobia

Today I got a news brought by my friend, saying that Mis Kitty will make sure the result of my supplement paper will be released the week before convocation. Even though I ave not pass my exam, but it is a good news still. The best feeling in the world today is knowing that your friends were happy together with me when I share my happiness with them. This joy cannot be brought by family members. Only those crazy friends will hug you when they are too excited and cannot control themselves. Miss those crazy days. I gonna go back to KL soon. SIIit in the bus alone heading to a place that bring me a lot of phobias. MacDonophobia, lonelinophobia, supppaperophobia, insomnophobia, lazinessphobia, dissapointedphobia, ect......

lesson

What is the different between school and life. In school, you are taught a lesson and given a test. In life, you are given a test to taught you a.lesson. I am agree with this and I have learn a tonne of lessons in my life.

leisure time

I can hear my supp paper is calling me. Yet I'm still lying on my bed, feeling stressful and helpless. I chat with ts for more than 2hours to released stress. Few years ago, I chat with my buddy like this, there are endless topics. But once having a girlfriend, both the guy and the girl changed. The girl's best friend complaint about her. But I the have no one to complain, so i swallow it into my stomach.And I ask myself will I be the same as them? Now I think I would not be like that to certain people but to some , I will just haizzzz... last week I meet a lot a lot of my secondary school best friends. As friendly as previously. No much change in appearance and attitud.e. thwing that i am not very get used to is the way they reply message can be so fast. Which means I also have to reply them asap. If not I will feel ashamed and being scolded. They stull can create lots of jokes. I like jokes. Kl students are very sensitive to.jokes so cannot simply play jokes with them. I am quite happy with my old friends who cherris my a lot. Thanks sheayee for accompanying me online while he was doing nothing at there. Thank boonping for 8gua'ing with me for 3 hours at Uncle John. Now all leave alor star already, so I also dont want to go to search for free wifi already. I subscride hotlink internet. Rm2 to access facebook for 2 days. I should buy 100gb at Rm2, which is more worthy. The day without internet I slept earlier than the normal day. I feel sleepy now again. hihi

Pass the Past

I clean up my room and and I these drawings. I drew these 11 and 6 years ago, respectively. The first picture was my first girl I drew using water colour and the latter one was the second last coloured girl I drew. I'll draw some girls every year. Their faces will be uploaded when I have the internet access. The last girl I drew was during Uni time when I feel bored. Sometimes I also sketched some girls during lectures. I liked drawing since 4 years old. Till now still got a few costumers came to my shop and asked my mum 'Is that your son who always draw dragon when he was small. He is very talented, I know he will be a successful man in future.'

Apart form that, I've been singing on stage on my sister's wedding when I was 5. I was very nervous that time, I still could remember. My father's didn't support me to draw or sing. He banned me from drawing and singing for many years. He was very conservative during that time and keep telling me, singing and drawing wont bring you a better future, reading books has a brighter one and more realistic one. Because of that, I stealthily do the things that I like to do. I practiced Chinese calligraphy by my ownself since no one could fetch me to attend classes. I listened to radio everyday because I like music very much. Also, because of transportation problem, I can't attend Extra Mathemathics class during weekend. My teaches purposely asked me to join the math class but I disappointed her. I learned Math by my own. During secondary school, I hadn't give up yet, I still had passion in Maths. I online search for Maths questions. I tried many many types of questions of different level. I can spent a whole day just to solve a question. Finally, I participated in Math competition at school level. I didn't do well, but I was given the chance to attend the Maths class. In form 3, I participated in National Olympiad Mathematics, the very first time participated for this national competition and compete with Form 3 and Form 4 students. There were only 5 questions and I managed to do 3 1/2 out of 5, and hence I got an 'honourable mention'. Only 45 people can get it nationwide. This made me much crush on Maths and I get the same price in the following years. Too bad I was not chosen to join a better group, if not, I could get 'tempat pertama berpasukan'.

Time flies, I never think that I will go to biology stream, and I also never think that I will be taking pharmacy course. A friend told me not to waste my time during holidays, I felt a bit angry because he made me feel guilty and made me look down myself, made me feel useless. Anyway, I just want to live happily, I just want to do what can made me happy, I don't really care if the activities is a waste of time or not. I like to look at the screen, reading some blogs, comment on some photos, and I know what am I doing. I like singing, I learn and sing new songs. I don't like football and computer games even it's a guy's stuff, and I won't force myself to love it or learn it. I anti dota and other games since long ago because there's a story behind.

I don't understand how can I change my thinking out of sudden. I talk so differently nowadays. I can't believe what I've told Yuen Si yesterday. I didn't hate anyone anymore. Am i return the original me in form 3? If real then good. Come back to hometown, I really feel happy, and I don't know what is sad now. My prison life in KL gave me a dark shadow. Time asked me to forgive everyone and know some new friends when old friends can't accept you. I start feeling sorry with someone. I pity her a lot when I see many one leave her alone. Be strong, girl, just be the original you, don't care what people thinks, they just make you suffer more.
The most beautiful is when people appreciates the original you, and you're comfortable enough to behave like one.

千万不要因为走的太久，而忘记了我们为什么出发.

Changes

I feel like nothing to do, but I am so busy, maybe that's the excuse of laziness. I tidied up my room this afternoon. I found many cards and presents in secondary school. Really miss those days.Few presents are from xiao mei mei, I not even could remember it. I just know I played with xiao mei mei before. All those people i knew them friendater. Still rember every night and even during tuition also was busy with sms.When grew older, no more facebook no more xiao mei mei already. But every morning before class started, SY will jio me wandering around school to kap lui...yomg how fun was secondary school life, no worries, no stress, got support from parents and brothers. I never hate anyone that time, hard to make me angry. But now, I become very sensitive and very 'small gas'. If a person disappoint me without saying sorry, I will not treat that person as a good friend anymore. Why I changed so much