Whatever

'Whatever'
You will never know how disappointed am I when say this word to you. But actually I did feel disappointed with many one in KL long time ago. What to care what to appreciate as it just left less than 3 months. No one will stay at the happiest moment forever. Life is like an ECG result. Without ups and downs, you’re just dead. To me, happiness is like a wheel. Sometimes you’re at the top but on the next day you’re at the bottom. When there is too much sadness, it’s okay to glance backward, just don’t stare it for too long. The past is just a place of reference, not a place of residency.

Trust

I'm a good enough person to forgive you, but not stupid enough to trust you again.

Pain

Why there are so many things happened on me. I couldn't sleep well for these few days. 2 days ago, I had an allergic reaction to an unknown substance. The itchy drew me crazy at night. Yesterday and today afternoon, abdominal pain or cramping make me so weak. I will better at night after taking meal. I wonder hunger can trigger pain? I went to pasar malam yesterday. It has been such a long time I never go pasar malam. I didn't walk in pasar malam with friends for 2 years ago, with an exception that BoonPing and his gf came to find me last year. In a glimpse of an eye, 2 years already and the day of being alone is going to come to an end soon. I start to learn every lessons that have taught. In pass, I always waited for something that's not coming. I'm waiting for anyone that can see trough my eye, care for me, asking me our for a breakfast or supper. Now, I changed and switch my mind because I've learn something. But I'm moody and sleepy everyday. I can't study and I always try to make myself happy and that's why I cant escape from Facebook. No one concerns about my study and my parents never at all. I feel so relaxing and understress when exam comes. Sometimes, I am so selfish that I wish many ones have a lot of problems that can't be solved forever, so that I have chance to talk with. I like to listen to those suffering, not because I am crazy but at least I know there are still a lot of people out there suffer much more than me and hence reverse my feelings of being lonely.

Busy life

Quizes, assignments and clerkship!!!! As Sarania said, starting from next week, we are expected to have NO LIFE!!!I wonder if I still have time to write on my blog. I still can remember last year. Once clerkship started, I've to take dinner alone almost every day. And also since that period, I started to think very much. Haha, I still can remember I started to doubt about myself and my friendship and I also started to miss home. I felt that my friend was using me, abandon me when I become needless. I was so down and at the same time, a friend's girlfriend whom I treated as good friend, scolded me with obscenity. Then, there is a person told me this:'Don't be so sad, Jenwin. When you think of being abandoned, in fact, the loss goes to that person because he/she loses the one who truly care for him/her, but what you lose is just a person that never care for you.' Then I started to forgive those who hurt me badly. I should learn to be strong, to be able to stay alone. Sometimes, I don't mind to accompany those who are alone because I felt like they were just like me, and I felt pity for them.

I just finished watching '缺宅男女' last few episods. It made my tears dropped during the scene when their mother passed away. The actors are so good and even made me feel that I'm a part of their family. I miss my hometown now. I want to meet my parents and my friends. BoonPing just phoned me. He said that he was driving and suddenly feel like want to chat with me. I believe that a friend who already has a gf/bf and still remember you, is a friend that really care for you. I already fed up with those only care for opposite and neglect others. If I have a gf I will treat them as what they treat me. Too bad that I'm still single. Shit, I can't take revenge haha.

Qoutes

Headache

I'm not going to talk much today. I cannot look at the screen for long otherwise I might have headache. I never feel sad today because I spend most of my time in sleeping. This morning I was still ok and I thought I've recover, so I watched a movie. After watching, I start feeling nausea. It's a hong kong chinese new year movie. Wong Ji Wah is a lonely guy and I feel pity on him. What is the difference between he and me is even though he is alone, but there's a friend who care for him so much. I'm looking forward to having someone who can make me feel like I'm valuable.

A short story

A Professor began his class by holding up
a glass with some water in it.
He held it up for all to see & asked the students
“How much do you think this glass weighs?”
'50g!' ....
'100g!' ..... '125g'
..the students answered.
“I really don't know unless I weigh it,”
said the professor,
“but, my question is:
What would happen if I held it up like this
for a few minutes?”
'Nothing' …..the students said.
'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.
'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the student.
“You're right, now what would happen
if I held it for a day?”
“Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis &
have to go to hospital for sure!”
… ventured another student
& all the students laughed …
“Very good, But during all this,
did the weight of the glass change?”
asked the professor.
‘No’…. Was the answer.
“Then what caused the arm ache &
the muscle stress?”
The students were puzzled.
“What should I do now to come out of pain?”
asked professor again.
‘Put the glass down!’ said one of the students.
“Exactly!” said the professor.
Life's problems are something like this.
Hold it for a few minutes in your head &
they seem OK.
Think of them for a long time &
they begin to ache.
Hold it even longer &
they begin to paralyze you.
You will not be able to do anything.
It's important to think of the challenges or problems in your life,
but EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to
‘PUT THEM DOWN’
at the end of every day before
You go to sleep.
That way, you are not stressed,
you wake up every day fresh &
strong & can handle any issue,
any challenge that comes your way!
So, When you leave office today,
Remember my friend to …
'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY!

yeah...movie~

I just finish watching Ghost Rider 1. It really made me feel dizzy after looking at the screen for almost 2 hours. When can I download Ghost Rider 2? I really want to watch. I also want to download Ah beng, a movie that hits few million in box office in just 10 days. Normally everyone has watched the famous movie with friends and left me finding no one to go along with. I have to wait for at least 1 month for Ghost Rider to be available for downloaded. By that time I will be very busy for clinical clerkship and not as free as now anymore. Can I go to watch alone? It sounds pitiful but I don't like people pity on me and I will get sick again. Sadness really can make my immune system down. Water and panadol seem not effective to me and I know the only cure for me is to stay happy. Perhaps, I should think more about happy things, e.g I am going to graduate after 9 weeks, I will go for a trip to Singapore with my family in June, I will go to shop for my stationary at Popular next week. Haha, tomorrow is a better day for sure. That's why I sleep so early every night. Last 2 days, I slept at 9. yesterday I sleep at 10. I enjoy sleeping very much. Tonight I will sleep early too, I can feel like I'm going to get sick soon. Before that, let me think where can take porridge at night. Hungry and brainstorming now.

MJ- Maggi and Jenwin

Maggi: Why are you staring at me, jenwin?
Jenwin: I'm hungry. Would you like to solve my problem?
Maggi: I will be with you any time you need me.
Jenwin: I know you are care for me and I feel so touched, maggi. But if possible, I would like to stay away from you. I don't have feeling on you, maggi.
Friend: Let's go for dinner later.
Jenwin: (Thanks god, You save me.) Maggi, I have to leave you, sorry.
Maggi: I know you will come back for me.
Jenwin: You are still my friend, but please don't force me to do anything.

few hours later:
Maggi: Hello!
Jenwin: You're so annoying, maggi.
Maggi: I know you do miss me.
Jenwin: I didn't, I swear. Just that I don't have other biscuits and I feel lonely.
Jos: Let's go for a movie.
Jenwin: ... ... ... I want to watch, but why I think so much? Wait, let me ask Friend fisrt.
Friend: Don't want la. (expected la, never say yes even once, who am i wor)

Finally, I plan to sleep. Goodnight. Hihi, it can be downloaded online ma. Cheer la~ Tomorrow wake up, it's always a brand new day. =)

-The End-

Maggi

I used 2 days to watch 20 episodes of Hong Kong drama!! I feel like want to take maggi man at the same time enjoy my lovely drama. But, yesterday I just took maggi mee 20packs of maggi left. I am so weak recently. I know that I will be going to sick if I take maggi 2 days consecutively. Some people were sick because they were happy and drank too much, I'm sick because of too maggi. Haha, that's humiliating. Tonight, I want to go pasar malam and plan to pay the rent for this month which is supposed to be paid at the beginning of this month. But, after I reached my parking basement I only realised that I left the owner's account number at home. I felt too lazy to go back home and suddenly I have no plan at the moment. I went to Giant to shop for my unhealthy food. I picked up my phone and search for free sms...haha...luckily Jos hasn't taken dinner yet.

New spectacles

My new specs on Valentine's day, oh no, it's Tuesday not 'v' day. I just went to SS2 and get my new specs. I was stuck in traffic jam and it took me few hours to go there and come back. I spent my whole night in my car, listening to radio. I almost fell asleep in my car. I told myself, today is for couples not for those singles. I should not feel jealous for those singles who go out with friends. I told myself I have friends just that they are not in KL. I have new specs and I should be very happy today. Sometimes I might wonder why friends only talk me when they broke up with gf/bf, or when they are sad, or when they are alone. When I meet their situation I have to face myself, no one is free. I am sick now. I slept at 9pm yesterday yet not feeling well now. Panadol active fast just provide me temporary relief. I am such an idiot, I think, until now only, I promise.

The eve of valentine's day

I'm so sleepy now. I still have not finish my PBL. Can I sleep now and wake up at 10pm? I have no mood to do anything now. Tomorrow is valentine's day, to me it's "single awareness day". I couldn't sure that I can finish my PBL before evening or not, But I'm not sure what to do tomorrow. I don't like to join lots of people on this day, cause I don't want to be single and forever alone. I'm not feeling well now. I wish I was at my hometown now, at least, I can call some buddies to accompany me. I don't want too many people around me but I don't wanna to be alone, and I don't know what I want actually. I plan to watch drama tomorrow. I will try not to on Facebook too much. I don't really like how sweet are the couples and how happy are those single ladies and men celebrating their freedom. I just want somebody see through my loneliness and talk to me for a while, just a while, any time, anything. The night is blue and I want to off my handphone. I wish no one disturb me now. OK, goodnight to myself now. I love you, jenwin!!! =)

Gift and New Glasses.

Yesterday I received a birthday present from keet, von, faiz and waileng. It's a vintage green polo tee. Surprisingly, it fits me well. I like the colour and size so much. Polo tee can make a people look mature and at the same time also young. This morning I wore it to school.

Today I saw a junior posted a picture of herself, with a new spectacles. I asked her where she got it and how much was the price. She told me that it's inexpensive. Without any doubt, I went to the place she suggested. The shop's name is D'eyewear which is located at SS2. I planned to buy a nerdy glasses. It costs me RM150. The similar model that I found in my hometown costs RM300++. Paying RM150 and get a new look, I think it is worth it. After that I see no message in my handphone, then I went to Wai Sek Kai to have my dinner. Every time I saw many people were queuing up at Baba's Nasi lemak. It's just zhap fan, and I wonder how can it attract crowd. I walked around and at the end, I stop at Baba's nasi lemak and decided to have a try. I ordered a medium size rice which is so lttle, with Lala, kogn bou mantis prawn and vege. It costs me Rm8.50. That's beyond my expectation!! However, I think I will try again, because I like the mantis prawn very much!! I am still thinking of it now.

Chap Goh Meh

Sunday:
I was so free. I have nothing to do. I was lying on my bed again with my lovely 'wife'. At night, I went to Taman Permaisuri. It has been a long time I never go there. I feel that it's very far if I was driving alone. Coming out with friends, the feeling is different. I treat it like a gathering. It is not left many times we can come out and eat together anymore. 12 weeks later, I will leave KL, the place that I don't like the most. The night in KL is extremely cold. There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when I was at hometown.

Monday:
Happy Chap Goh Meh
I woke up very late today and directly go for lunch. After lunch, finding friends to accompany me to go Taman Permaisuri. It seems no one can give me a confirmed answer. I did ask sailou but he definitely will join his gang. It took me so long to ask and I ended up asking Yuen Si who is from so far. Luckily she started feel like going after I have wasted so much saliva. Haha, this is my first time see girls throw oranges into the water. And there are a lot of desperate men finding their soul mates. When can I find mine?

Gift

Hihi. How can a new handphone without a casing. I specially want to thank Chun kit who has given me the only birthday present in this year. I normally will keep all my present and never use it. I am scared that I will spoil the precious things which friend gave to me. I kept all my presents and souvenirs at my hometown since form 5, like cards, pen, watch, bag, clothes, key chains, bookmarks, woofer etc. But this time is the exception, I use it.

Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm 24 now. Every year, my parents would celebrate birthday with me. Being a small little kid, I never really appreciate it untill the later part of my life. I used to think that birthdays mean so much to everyone until yesterday I feel like it's not that important anymore again. Birthday is an another day in your life. The most important thing is how you live for every single day. By the end of this year I have vowed to myself to make a major change in my life. Come February 1st 2012, I plan to look back at January as the end of one journey in my life and the start of another.

Well, a bunch of friends gave me a surprise at midnight while I was sleeping. The night before 12am, I was listening to music and I slept afterwards. Suddenly, someone was knocking my door as if wanna break the door into pieces. I ignored it at first, but i heard Kean Tatt's voice "Let's go Alibaba for supper, there is no electricity". Ok, it sounded weird but I grasp my tee and searching for my specs which I didn't know where I threw in the dark. My face was still in the sleeping mode. Unfortunately, I failed to escape myself from the cameras. After that, they played mahjong until around 4am. I was totally exhausted and I slept until very late in the next morning.

Birthday is supposed to be a very happy day. However, I've mostly spent my time on my bed. Ehm, this is my loneliest birthday. Is this indicating I have no close friends? I think most probably yes, I shoul not ask myself such a stupid question which I know it can make me feel so uneasy. I suddenly missed my home a lot. Surprisingly, I only received a few birthday wishes in my phone this year. I felt very lazy to complete my PBL homework. I logged in facebook and liked all the birthday wishes. I was thinking how nice would it be if someone can accompany me the place that I wish to go. Again, reading messages from my form 5 friends and a lot of memories pop out from my mind. They were the longest messages and really touched my deeply. They brought me to the time when I was in secondary school. When can we meet up again?

The day is so long and I start to hate it. Luckily, I have a new wife be with me when I feel that the world is so boring. It's my new smartphone!!! I purposely went to Ipoh to get it. I have been struggling for so long when choosing the devices and data plan. I was so excited when I get it on hands. I have spent all my angpao money just to buy a Samsung galaxy SII and I treated it as my birthday gift for myself since I have no birthday gift in this year.

So what can I say is that, birthdays is not that special in my life, the birthday cake is not so important, the biology clock is even more unimportant. What is really important is that we can be happy just by going through our daily life, with or without health and wealth, that is something that really matters.