My story

旅途有苦有乐， 但总是觉得苦难常伴我， 怀揣久违的梦想。 寂寞孤单常伴我身旁. 试问爱在何方？ 我还有付出多少心房？ Yesterday my mum's worker suddenly approach me and tell me, 'When you find a suitable girl, you must start without any delay already, you are not young anymore and you will find harder to find one once you start working.' I stunned for a while and replied her with a smile, 'Eh, the girls nowadays hard to rear.' My mum responced, 'Ya, true!' Ang a kepo aunty started talking 'fat kai'...'Next time when you are married, you must be filial to your parents. If you are truly cultivated, you will know that's your responsibility to take care of your parents. Wife is nothing, you can change it any time but you can't change your parents. Wife is the one who can stay naked in front of you, but parents wont. So you must not be deceived by the superficial thing...bla bla bla' I interrupted, 'Aunty, why you talk about those things as if I never show respect and filiality to my parents?' She still kept talking 'buddish' and I thought she was 'zao fo yap mo' so I ran away, so sorry. Today I did nothing again, lying on bed and playing with my phone. Maybe it's true that we don't know what we have until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives. Now I want my friends back again even though I might be nothing to them. But sometimes it's better to be alone , than being with someone who makes you feel alone. Today talk to sailou TS and he told me, to be stay true to yourself because there are very few people who will always be true to you. It's so true, as I also don't know how many people are true to me. One thing that makes me don't understand is, he can share so many private things with me, yet telling me 'Don't tell other people har'. Don't he trust me only share with me, do he? No doubt this sailou can share most private thing with me, but I never share mine with him. I feel that after so many years already, I still can't trust my friends. Am I in a disease state? Another sailou, yesterday, surprisingly, able to reply message and say something touched. His story made me think of myself last year when I was alone. I can feel what he feels at home, but the difference is, at least, he has his loved one, while me, just can face my laptop and listen to music like they are my girlfriends. and I started to hate those who left me alone. The intensity of loneliness incresed, when you know your best friend busy to kao lui and forget about you or don't want you to be a light bulb. What to do is just have to wait for friends who were free then can sms you asking for a meal. So, this is how I know Jos, TS, and Lily. I'm always that passive, because this is the only way that can avoid from rejection and disappointment. Once you have been rejected for a few times, it's a human nature that know how to protect ourselves from getting hurt again.