Why I don't know why I ask why

i'm so glad that my car can turn into the original look again. Today I've sent my car to the workshop and I went to library. It's crowded as usual. The difference is a friend can study together with me. Don't know why I feel motivated when a friend sit beside me even though not studying the same subject or same chapters. Maybe I won't feel that bored and won't feel tired easily. I always wish I won't be alone. But no matter how it's just a wish. The wish during my birthday will not come true. Every year one of the 3 wishes I made on my birthday is the same. Few years already, I'm still having the same wish. I always scold myself for being bad to friend, but I still did it and I'm still out of my control. I can't study at night. I don't know what am I doing now. The internet is slow. My heart is silent. The light is blinking for a few time. I look out the window and I see no stars tonight. I see some lights from far, it's pasar malam, the place where I wondering alone 2 years ago. I put on my blanket, holding notes for no purpose. Occasionally some noise form my handphone. I hate Digi, there are too many notisfications, I misthink that someone is greeting me. Then, I suddenly remember that I have a dearest friend, my blog. A friend that never fail to listen to me, support me silently and always forgive me whatever mistake I made. I have a lot of defects, everyone does have. I never seek for forgiveness because I think no one will do so. I never seek for care, because I think they will come automatically, well, it seldom happens, even it happens, it won't last long. If they treat me good, I definitely treat them better. If they treat me badly, I can't control myself not to treat them the same. Last week, some one has blocked me in Facebook and she unblocked me back yesterday. I can't believe what I'v done yesterday? I was so childish to unblocked her back. I want to test something just to prove my expectation is right. What happens to me? Why I have such action? Do I change a lot? Am I a bad guy? Should I apologise to her? Is she right? Am I stupid? Did I trust a wrong person? Why did the person tell lie to me? Why my brother didn;t support me? Why did he never trust me? Why I feel disappointed? Why I just can't ignore other people's thought? Why I still trust another person that I'm not supposed to trust anymore? Why I'm still not understand what is his gf thinking. Why let me know so many things? Why I have no one to talk to? Why I have to suffer this alone? Why ect...