Shadow

My Digi data is so slow and I'm quite lazy to online. I can't online too much. It would be like this for these coming 6 months. I used my internet data for accessing Youtube in my TV to sing karaoke. These few days tried new songs and sing non-stop. Unbelievably, I joined those uncle and aunty, sang in a public room specially designed for those old folks who like to sing. Days passed very fast, I totally forgot about my result. Until yesterday night, I feel nervous again. I know the fact can't be changed, but I'm still hoping something good happen to me. My heartbeat was extremely fast in these morning. I recalled what Ms. Kitty has told me, I recalled my first F in my life, and I was depressed for few hours. The only cure is music.

For this moment I have nothing to write in my blog. I not yet miss my friends, everyday is just like a normal day.  Never feel sad for so many days. Just a bit unhappy with some late replies, but it's still ok, because I'm also that kind of person. I salute WC and TS for their fast reply within one minute, no matter when the message is sent. They make me feel guilty when I cant reply message in time.  WC must be cursing me for some times.

Tonight talkbox rings again. Some familiar voices are running in my ears. I miss them but they are busy with their career and life already. Yesterday I also received  messages from sailou, as usual, received only when he's sad. So, I must wish him always sad. Last week told him something regarding a word called 'forever'. Start feeling guilty by mentioning this word again. 5 years ago, this word killed me slowly and I've made a same mistake again. Apparently I'm not strong enough, I'm still live in a dark shadow, I can't escape from the incident     happened 5 years ago. It changed my personalility from time to time, I can feel my abnormalility now. When everyone disappoint me, I also disappoint everyone. Don't know who really understand why I ffk, why I don't want to go Bangkok even though it can said to be the first and last graduation trip.

I think I wanna learn from TK. I wanna disappear in this world for a period of time. No MSN no Facebook No foursquare, put my hp apart, is it possible? I was so active in those stuffs because I'm too lonely, I'm finding true friends and seek for a little concern. Now I came back home, my sister and nieces stay in my house next week, I'm no longer alone. So, please, let me pass my exam, I am too scared staying in KL, I'm too scared being alone and watching other live happily but not me. I just want a simple life now, reorganise my mood, change my belief, make new friends, forget the pass, start new life and blog as usual. It's time to change my blog setting.